It says I’m fertile!

So the OPK (ovulation predictor kit) says no LH surge yet… but Fertility Friend says I’m fertile (see here!)

“ Dancing” for us tonight… as it’s called. I think it’s a little silly, but it’s a bit less bold then saying, we gotta get it on tonight so we can make a , I guess. Hah.

I want so badly for this to happen… not a huge surprise, I’m sure, to my regular readers. However, what surprises me is just how badly I want it. Figure if it surprises even me, that’s saying something.

I know the odds are slim that it will happen on the first try… and so this is what is happening in my brain:

Rational, calm Mae: Self, you know you can’t count on this this first month. It could take a healthy couple as long as a year. You and he both have potential issues.

Dreamy, idealistic Mae: Yes, Self, I am well aware of those issues. But “potential” is the key word… maybe they aren’t issues at all. Besides, that RE I saw back in NYC said my best shot would be the first few months off the Pill. He must know something, right?

RCM: I’m sure he does… but really, you mustn’t get your hopes up too high. You’ll just be crushed when you’re period starts, or when the pregnancy tests are negative.

DIM: Oh, psh. I’m going to be just fine. I have to be hopeful. If I let you take over, I’ll just get too stressed out, and we all know that’s no good for conception.

RCM: I just hate to see you get hurt.

IM: That’s very sweet of you. If it’s true, shut up.

RCM: Wow, who knew dreamers could be such bitches?

DIM: Sniffle, sniffle I am not a bitch.

RCM: And I want it, too… remember? We’re the same person.

Okay, that’s enough talking to myself in one post… but that’s pretty much how it goes in my twisted, little brain. Hilly talked about loving her duality in her post yesterday, but I’ve taken duality to an annoying level. It’s probably a good thing… the two “voices” (not literally, I swear) help me from being too overly idealistic and, at the same time, I’m not allowing myself to dwell on the negatives, either. Still, that doesn’t mean it isn’t annoying.